Ranking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movies
I love horror movies and I spend way too much of my time watching them, even the bad ones. One thing I like to is rank all of the films in a series from best to worst. And since I just watched Leatherface, I figure now is as good a time as any to rank the Texas Chainsaw Massacre films. Let's go from worst to best. Here we go...
#8: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)
Let's get this piece of crap out of the way. A group of teenagers get lost in the woods when their car breaks down on prom night. They run into Leatherface and his family and get brutally murdered. We've seen it before and we'll see it again, but hopefully not this poorly. Let me start off with the main reason this movie sucks...NO ONE GETS KILLED BY A CHAINSAW AT ANY POINT DURING THIS STUPID F***ING MOVIE!!! Seriously, not one chainsaw kill. Why even make a movie if you're not going to have at least one chainsaw kill? Ugh. The Next Generation has some redeeming qualities. Renėe Zellweger is a solid protagonist in a slasher film, and Matthew McConaughey is fun as one of the killers. One of the other teenagers is basically an older version of Eric Cartman. Apart from those three, there's nothing to see here, and The Next Generation ends up at the bottom of the rank-down.
#7: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
TCM III isn't much better than The Next Generation, but it isn't entirely the movie's fault. The MPAA forced the filmmakers to cut out most of the gore to avoid receiving an "X" rating. It's really too bad because there are some creative kills in the film. It's really a film of wasted potential. But it does have a few few things going for it. This is the scariest incarnation of Leatherface. Whoever designed his look for this movie is a genius. We also have Viggo Mortensen (aka Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings), as one of the cannibals. Plus Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) as a redneck survivalist. The location is also spookier. But none of those things make the movie good enough for me to recommend. It's a real shame when you think about what this movie could have been.
#6: Leatherface (2017)
From here on up, the movies are all watchable. I actually like the rest of them to some extent. Like I said in my full length review, I don't know if this was necessarily a prequel that we needed, but it was a different enough film from the rest in the series that I think it's worth is. The first act is unmemorable, and the 3rd act is too safe, but the 2nd act is great and has some solid action and some nice kills. Check out my full length review for more details.
#5: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
This is where we start to get controversial. Yes, I'm putting the remake at number 5. Yes, I know this is considered to be one of the better slasher remakes. I still like this movie. I just like the rest more. The biggest problem I have with this movie is the fact that it's a remake. It's pretty much just the original movie beat for beat. But, the problem is...the original is better in every way. The rest of the movies on this list are different enough to distinguish themselves from the original, but I can't help but compare this one one closer to the original. I like lots of it. The kills are sold. The 3rd act is fun. R. Lee Ermey as Sheriff Hoyt is brilliant casting. But the fact that it's a remake stops it from going any higher on this list.
#4: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Before anyone slices me up for placing The Beginning over the remake, let me explain. I think The Beginning is the goriest and the most brutal of all the films in the series. The deaths in this film are extreme, and damn it, I respect that. I like how far this film goes. I enjoyed seeing the backstory to R. Lee Emery's character and for Leatherface. It's simple enough and it works. I will say that the 3rd act of this one is...lame. It's too short and there's a big plot hole. The rest of the movie is strong enough to make up for the lackluster finale, however.
#3: Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Yeah, yeah. I know that this one is generally considered the worst Texas Chainsaw movie. But you know what? Everyone who thinks that is wrong. This movie is an utter schlock-fest. The timeline makes no sense. It takes place almost forty years after the original, and some of the characters don't look like they've aged. The FaceTime sequence is goofy. The plot twist that (Spoilers) the main character is Leatherface's cousin is hilarious. Everything in this movie is ridiculous, and I love it. I have such a blast watching this movie. It's so bad, that it's somehow great. I never get tired of watching it. Plus, it has the best line of dialogue in cinematic history. The main character tosses a chainsaw to Leatherface and says, "Do your thing, cuz." Beautiful. I will not apologize for loving this movie and y'all should really give it another chance.
#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
While the original Texas Chainsaw is a horror film, this sequel is more of a comedy. It's so over-the-top with its gore and its humor that it's a blast to watch. It brings back the surviving members of Leatherface's family, plus it adds probably the best of the supporting killers in the series, Chop Top (Bill Moseley), who is just a joy to watch. We get to see more of the Sawyer's family dynamics and there are even points where it feels more like the most twisted romantic-comedy of all time. There are parts that are horrifying, but most of this movie is simply fun. And if there's one thing I love, it's a movie that is twisted and fun at the same time.
#1: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: (1974)
Really, could it be anything else? Of course the original takes the top spot. Not only is the movie iconic, but it is, to this day, the scariest movie I have ever seen. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is so intense, so visceral, so graphic, and utterly horrifying, that I still have a death grip on my chair when I watch it. It has the most memorable kills in the series, the best final girl, and fantastic performances from all the killers in Leatherfaces family. The only knock I have against the movie is one of the teenagers, Franklin, (Paul A. Partain), is the most obnoxious teenager in a slasher movie ever, but it's a believable performance. Apart from Scream, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is my favorite horror movie of all time, and I cannot recommend it enough.
So that's the end. What do you think? Am I dead-dog wrong, or did I nail it? Let me know in the comments.
#8: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)
Let's get this piece of crap out of the way. A group of teenagers get lost in the woods when their car breaks down on prom night. They run into Leatherface and his family and get brutally murdered. We've seen it before and we'll see it again, but hopefully not this poorly. Let me start off with the main reason this movie sucks...NO ONE GETS KILLED BY A CHAINSAW AT ANY POINT DURING THIS STUPID F***ING MOVIE!!! Seriously, not one chainsaw kill. Why even make a movie if you're not going to have at least one chainsaw kill? Ugh. The Next Generation has some redeeming qualities. Renėe Zellweger is a solid protagonist in a slasher film, and Matthew McConaughey is fun as one of the killers. One of the other teenagers is basically an older version of Eric Cartman. Apart from those three, there's nothing to see here, and The Next Generation ends up at the bottom of the rank-down.
#7: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
TCM III isn't much better than The Next Generation, but it isn't entirely the movie's fault. The MPAA forced the filmmakers to cut out most of the gore to avoid receiving an "X" rating. It's really too bad because there are some creative kills in the film. It's really a film of wasted potential. But it does have a few few things going for it. This is the scariest incarnation of Leatherface. Whoever designed his look for this movie is a genius. We also have Viggo Mortensen (aka Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings), as one of the cannibals. Plus Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) as a redneck survivalist. The location is also spookier. But none of those things make the movie good enough for me to recommend. It's a real shame when you think about what this movie could have been.
#6: Leatherface (2017)
From here on up, the movies are all watchable. I actually like the rest of them to some extent. Like I said in my full length review, I don't know if this was necessarily a prequel that we needed, but it was a different enough film from the rest in the series that I think it's worth is. The first act is unmemorable, and the 3rd act is too safe, but the 2nd act is great and has some solid action and some nice kills. Check out my full length review for more details.
#5: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
This is where we start to get controversial. Yes, I'm putting the remake at number 5. Yes, I know this is considered to be one of the better slasher remakes. I still like this movie. I just like the rest more. The biggest problem I have with this movie is the fact that it's a remake. It's pretty much just the original movie beat for beat. But, the problem is...the original is better in every way. The rest of the movies on this list are different enough to distinguish themselves from the original, but I can't help but compare this one one closer to the original. I like lots of it. The kills are sold. The 3rd act is fun. R. Lee Ermey as Sheriff Hoyt is brilliant casting. But the fact that it's a remake stops it from going any higher on this list.
#4: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Before anyone slices me up for placing The Beginning over the remake, let me explain. I think The Beginning is the goriest and the most brutal of all the films in the series. The deaths in this film are extreme, and damn it, I respect that. I like how far this film goes. I enjoyed seeing the backstory to R. Lee Emery's character and for Leatherface. It's simple enough and it works. I will say that the 3rd act of this one is...lame. It's too short and there's a big plot hole. The rest of the movie is strong enough to make up for the lackluster finale, however.
#3: Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Yeah, yeah. I know that this one is generally considered the worst Texas Chainsaw movie. But you know what? Everyone who thinks that is wrong. This movie is an utter schlock-fest. The timeline makes no sense. It takes place almost forty years after the original, and some of the characters don't look like they've aged. The FaceTime sequence is goofy. The plot twist that (Spoilers) the main character is Leatherface's cousin is hilarious. Everything in this movie is ridiculous, and I love it. I have such a blast watching this movie. It's so bad, that it's somehow great. I never get tired of watching it. Plus, it has the best line of dialogue in cinematic history. The main character tosses a chainsaw to Leatherface and says, "Do your thing, cuz." Beautiful. I will not apologize for loving this movie and y'all should really give it another chance.
#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
While the original Texas Chainsaw is a horror film, this sequel is more of a comedy. It's so over-the-top with its gore and its humor that it's a blast to watch. It brings back the surviving members of Leatherface's family, plus it adds probably the best of the supporting killers in the series, Chop Top (Bill Moseley), who is just a joy to watch. We get to see more of the Sawyer's family dynamics and there are even points where it feels more like the most twisted romantic-comedy of all time. There are parts that are horrifying, but most of this movie is simply fun. And if there's one thing I love, it's a movie that is twisted and fun at the same time.
#1: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: (1974)
Really, could it be anything else? Of course the original takes the top spot. Not only is the movie iconic, but it is, to this day, the scariest movie I have ever seen. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is so intense, so visceral, so graphic, and utterly horrifying, that I still have a death grip on my chair when I watch it. It has the most memorable kills in the series, the best final girl, and fantastic performances from all the killers in Leatherfaces family. The only knock I have against the movie is one of the teenagers, Franklin, (Paul A. Partain), is the most obnoxious teenager in a slasher movie ever, but it's a believable performance. Apart from Scream, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is my favorite horror movie of all time, and I cannot recommend it enough.
So that's the end. What do you think? Am I dead-dog wrong, or did I nail it? Let me know in the comments.
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