Mortuary (2005) Review

"First vandalism, then babies."

-Sheriff Howell

After the death of the family patriarch, the Doyle family moves to a new town where Leslie (Denise Crosby) is going to be the town mortician.  The mortuary is actually inside their new house, much to the displeasure of her children, Jonathan (Dan Byrd) and Jamie (Stephanie Patton).  As Jonathan notices strange occurrences in the house and outside, in the graveyard, he also learns the murderous and mysterious history of his new house, and he might be the only one who can save his family.

What Works:

The best part of Mortuary without a doubt is our protagonist, Jonathan.  Dan Byrd does a really good job with the material he is given and it's no wonder he has gone on to have a solid acting career.  He's really likable and not too moody.  For the classic character of a teenage boy forced to move to a new town, he's about as likable as you can get.

Mortuary is a sort of infection/zombie movie.  Once characters become infected, they can still talk and everything, they are just insane and murderous.  There are a few scenes where Leslie gets infected and is attacking her own children.  It's a creepy idea and is executed fairly well.

Finally, there is one very funny sequence that occurs just after Jonathan and his friends get high.  There is a knock on the door and they realize the sheriff is outside.  Neither Jonathan nor Denise can answer the ringing doorbell because Jonathan is trying to hide the smell of weed and Denise has a leaking body spraying blood everywhere.  It's funny and over-the-top, but fun.

What Sucks:

Most of the actors in this movie suck.  They aren't believable in the slightest and they have some really weird line deliveries.  Besides Byrd and Crosby, everyone is pretty bad.

This movie looks and feels very cheap.  The practical effects are very underwhelming.  I've seen student films with better production design.  And the CGI is some of the worst I have ever seen.  Thankfully we don't get much of it until the 3rd act, but when we do, it's horrendously bad.  It's really hard to believe that Tobe Hooper, the director of the first two Texas Chainsaw Massacre films, directed this.

Finally, the story itself isn't all that interesting.  It's a strange mix of generic and unfocused.  Most of the movie is nothing special.  We've seen it before, but done better.  But once we get into the meat of the story it tries to do too much.  It's a zombie movie, yet a "somebody is in my house" movie, and a Lovecraftian-movie all at once.  It's too much and none of it is done particularly well.

Verdict:

Considering who the director of this movie is, Mortuary is very disappointing.  Sure, Dan Byrd does a good job and their are a handful of decent sequences, but most of the characters suck, the CGI is abysmal, and the story is both generic and unfocused.

 3/10: Really Bad